Korea's Next Top Model

I mentioned in passing previously that I have been watching "Korea's Next Top Model" lately, and after my last (very long) post, I decided that I would lighten up and write about this TV show. (Warning: this is going to be a rather harsh review of "Korea's Next Top Model" ... I tend to be hard on these types of 'reality' shows.)

This show is much like "America's Next Top Model," a reality show competition that pits a group of thin, generally high-strung girls against one another in order to win a contract, a spot with a modeling agency, and other random prizes.

The main differences between ANTM and KNTM are the hostess and the culture. To compare the hostesses:

ANTM is, of course, the brainchild of one Miss Tyra Banks. I've always thought that Tyra was striking, with those big eyes and all those teeth. She was a great Victoria's Secret model because she had the body and the sass.

As a reality show MC, I don't know. The first few seasons of ANTM, she was a little bit awkward, obviously not that comfortable. She found her footing as the seasons wore on (and on and on and ON), but she also became sort of the bridezilla version of an MC. She did strange things (remember that season during which she only wore jumpsuits?), she came up with weird concepts, and she stomped around the show like she was the star. I thought a reality show was about the contestants, the hostess is supposed to facilitate (for the record, I really liked Heidi as the hostess of "Project Runway," which I am currently NOT watching because I still have a thorn in my side about the awfulness of Gretchen's win).

In the end, between Tyra's growing oddness and my growing disinterest, I stopped watching ANTM. It's been a few years since I've watched (or maybe just a couple years, who can tell with this show, there's a new cycle seemingly every couple months), so maybe things have gotten better lately (doubtful).

Then I came to Korea and watched "Korea's Top Model," with Jang Yoon-Ju (장윤주) as its MC.

Bizarrely, I recognized her from a Korean TV show broadcast that I had watched in LA not too long before my departure for Korea. She was on a talk show (I think it was 놀러와) with a bunch of Korean indie groups. She sang a song with one of the musicians, and she was quite good- a great voice for soft indie music. I remember being impressed with how genial she was, and how great she was with people. She was actually really funny, and put all the awe-struck men at ease.

Then I came to Korea and realized that dude, she's a model. She hosts the show with much more of a quiet command than Tyra. When Yoon-Ju interacts with the models, she is helpful but never aggressive. She seems like a girl that I would want to be friends with, like a girl that would be super fun if you met in a bar one night.

I obviously prefer Yoon-Ju. I just don't like Tyra's hosting style. Honestly, I'd rather see pictures of Tyra than watch her on my TV.

The cultural differences are huge, of course, and lend for completely different types of model-filled houses.

I think these are the models that are left (the ones that blended into the background have all been eliminated- thank goodness, because I was confused for a few weeks, who's that girl? has she always been there?):

Park Seul-Ki  (박슬기). She seems to be one of the more mature girls. I like her, and actually want her to do well.

Song Hae-Na (송해나). She seriously irritated me during the makeover show, because they chopped her hair off and dyed it blond and she was leaking tears like a faulty faucet. She's a little petty sometimes, but I like her- she tends to be bubbly and seems sweet (and sometimes a little dumb).

Lee Jenny (이제니). She's foreign, though I never pay enough attention to the show to hear where she's from. Maybe the States? She speaks English, I'm pretty sure. Her Korean's not great, but it's passable. I question whether or not she's from the States because her Korean accent is not very American. I think I like her, but she's hard to read, since she doesn't talk much, owing to her language barrier.

Lee Sun-Young (이선영). What's the Korean word for "ditz"? Because it's this girl right here. I think she's adorable, but then she opens her mouth and it all goes down the drain. Her photos are either fantastic or awful.

Lee Song-Yi (이송이). She's got that awkward, shy, model-y thing going on, but sometimes, her photos are actually just awkward, instead of awkward-chic. She doesn't talk much and is very quiet, so I have no strong opinions about her. I have a very strong aversion to the horrifying haircut that they gave her, though.

Um Yoo-Jung (엄유정). WHINER. She complains about everything, gets depressed at the drop of a hat, and is generally just a dark cloud over the entire show. She makes me sad, and while she's striking, I don't think she's very photogenic.

Jin Jung-Sun (진정선). Ugh. I can't even begin to describe how annoying this kid is. I believe she's the youngest (17); she certainly acts like it. She's always overly confident, obnoxious, and says the most grating things. DISLIKE. I do concede that she takes some amazing photos- her pictures look much better than her snippets of "reality," that's for sure.

So I think those are the girls. As much as I dislike Jung-Sun, I have a feeling that she'll be going far, as she generally has good photographs and can actually walk on the runway (unlike some of the other poor girls who clomp up and down like they're in cement shoes).

A few differences between ANTM and KNTM:

- Cat-fights:
On ANTM, the girls are thrown into a house together ... and then they fight. There's always some sort of screaming fit, someone throws something, someone pours someone else's Red Bull down the drain, and someone always cries. On KNTM, not so much. Koreans have much more of a pack mentality than Americans, I think, and when someone tries to "lead" the other girls (generally the oldest, as Korea ranks people by age much more than America), the other usually follow along. Complaints aren't as frequent on KNTM- at least, not until some of the girls become good friends and whine to each other.

- Confessionals:
I admit, I kind of love the confessionals, where the girls are filmed talking to the camera about the other girls. I still remember Elyse talking smack about every single girl on the show, and how hilarious I found her (she's one of my favorite ANTM contestants). Korean girls? They talk about how good the other girls are, and how they're worried. After a few weeks, when cliques formed and discontent started coming to the surface, they would say things like "I don't know, is she going to be my rival?" or "I really want to beat all the other girls"- nothing nearly as mean-spirited (and therefore entertaining) as the ANTM girls. The one exception is, of course, hateful Jung-Sun, who says things like "I doubt she has that many friends," and "I can't believe she would come on this show when she can't even walk." Mean-spirited, sharp-tongued, and vindictive, that one.

(Side note- Korea's got a singing competition show called "I Am A Singer (나는 가수다)" which pits all kinds of singers (old, young, professional, amateur, men, women) against each other. These singers, when watching the others perform, only have nice things to say about each other. They never say mean things or belittle each other. It was so bizarre the first time I watched the show, because wow. That is not American at all.)

- Housekeeping:
The ANTM house, at the beginning of the cycle, is usually an unbelievable mess. Totally gross, with trash all over the place, disgusting bathrooms and kitchens, and unmade beds. The KNTM house is pretty dang clean. The "buckle down and clean" mentality is very strong here in Korea, and it shows. There's a little drama about who's going to do what, but not nearly as much as on ANTM. The house is in pretty good order, from what the cameras show, and it's a smaller house than the one that the American girls usually get.

- Relationships with the creative director and photographers:
The ANTM girls listen to Mr. and Miss J, though sometimes grudgingly. And in America, talking back to them or to the photographers isn't as rude and disrespectful as it is in Korea. Because of the casual and formal speech differences in Korea, I think the distinctions are clearer. Talking back to the (totally gay and fabulous) creative director or the photographers is considered to be absolutely disrespectful and something that just is. not. done. There are good and bad elements to this, of course- the good being, the photoshoots tend to have less drama. The bad being, there's less drama.

On the whole, I really prefer KNTM. ANTM just seemed so angsty and overly theatrical, like they were purposefully going out and trying to find insane girls to pump up the (already overmuch) drama. KNTM seems more real, and the girls seem more normal. I mean, do you actually know anyone that's like the craziest ANTM girls?

I miss American TV, of course (they have the weirdest selection of American TV shows here, which is so confusing- I mean, the new "Night Rider"? Really?) but Korean TV is doing nicely to fill the void and give me a source of white noise.

It's Saturday and I'm at work! Shouldn't be here long- I really do want to try to make it to Namdaemun today.

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Top Model: Finale

The reason I was able to catch up on "Top Model" today was because I worked from home. Not feeling well at all, and I used the opportunity to get rid of several hours of TV recorded on my DVR. ("Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"? Caught up at long last. Hillary Duff needs to stop trying to act.)

I hate the stupid CoverGirl commercials that the finalists always have to do. Why? Because they ALWAYS FAIL.

Aminat:
Her and her Jersey accent irritate me. Get your 6-foot-tall self and your eternally open mouth and stay on the catwalk.

Allison:
Really?? Have you learned nothing from the previous seasons of this show?? Memorize the lines until you can recite them in your sleep. She did look really cute, though- the most typically CoverGirl-looking of the three.

Teyona:
Photogenic, but only in front of a still camera. She looked less than ideal in front of a moving camera. And WHY does some girl always have a meltdown and start crying?? Ugh. I also found that I really don't like her hairline. Looks like Queen Elizabeth (the Virgin queen, not the current queen) when she shaved her head and slapped on a red wig.

At the first judging, Tyra looked like she was prematurely celebrating Halloween with her Mrs. Addams / Elvira costume. Terrible. Does she have a stylist? Does she style herself? I don't understand. Aminat got the memo to wear a long black sack, too- Tyra just had better accessories (maybe not "better," but "more expensive").

Miss J's bowtie. No.

I can't believe how much Teyona cried in the first half hour of the show. I don't remember her crying during any other episode. Suffering through the individual takes of the commercial, it occurred to me that Celia would have rocked it. Aminat should have been the one to get cut. I know she got cut before the final, but I wish I had gotten to see Celia's commercial.

I have to say, Aminat's black dress when walking away from camera? Beautiful. She does have a great body, it's just not very visible in her photos.

What was up with the Seventeen shoot where they put both girls in the tiniest shorts I've ever seen? Seventeen-year-old girls do not need to see butt cheeks on their "role models."

Tyra changed it up and wore a brown sack- why was she pretending to be all modest with her yards of fabric all over the place?

Really, "Top Model"? A swimwear show? Why not just force them to parade around naked? And what was with the dirty finale? They looked like naked mechanics mud wrestling. And contrary to how that might sound, it did not look hot. It just looked greasy.

I love the side-by-side photo comparison of the past photoshoots. I thought they actually both did well throughout the competition in very different ways.

Yes, I was disappoinated that Teyona won. I liked Allison better and thought she should beat Teyona.

Oh, well.

One less show to clutter up my DVR in the last weeks of this show, which is good news for me.

Watched half of the first episode of "Story of a Man" (남자이야기), and it promises to be quite a show if they can keep it up. Also watched a bit of "Cain and Abel" (카인과 아벨), which seems like a regurgitated "East of Eden" (에덴의 동쪽), which I did not enjoy. We'll see what shows stick in my tired little brain and which fall away (probably all of them).

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Top Model: Elimination #10

Paulina Porizkova is FANTASTIC.

She calls 'em like she sees 'em without sparing any punches. It makes me laugh. One of the best lines: "Allison was like a rickety little wind-up doll made out of tin. Not the best thing for a samba. She looked like her mechanism needed oiling."

The girls learning the samba was stupid. None of them could really samba- even Aminat, who was supposedly good.

Also, I was SO GLAD that Aminat did not win the challenge. Celia might be "desperate" but Paulina still recognized that Celia was fantastic.

Tyra's skits are getting lazier and lazier. Broken Jeep? Tyra screaming for help on the side of the road? Borrrring.

The little story she made up for Allison? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Ugh. Cross between a bird and an owl ...?

I actually really like the set, with the giant nest of sticks and the jungle. Pretty and natural. I would hate to be there- lots of bugs and dirt and the spring/waterfall was BROWN. Gross.

I think Tyra actually seems like a good photographer. I'm sure they edit the film to show her in a more favorable light, but she seems the least ... Tyrannasaurus during her photographing episodes.

Judging was SO STUPID. Miss J with the giant, ungainly bow tie and the horricious twirping, hooting? Ew.

Allison's picture was beautiful. She looked like a bird in a nest:























Every time I see Teyona in a picture, it's jarring to see her NOT in a picture but just standing there in front of the judges. She looks so good on film and SO BAD in person. I seriously can't believe how photogenic she is. Her face looks so good here (her body looks boxy and like she's wearing pantyhose).



















Celia's picture was the opposite of Teyona's- pretty body but weird face. I still like this one:























Aminat doesn't seem to be able to close her mouth. I hate that slack-jawed look. I thought she looked overwhelmed in the picture:
















I liked the colorful judging room. I liked that the girls all seemed to have talked about wardrobe ahead of time and kind of matched with their little mini-dresses (although I hate Teyona's dress).

I love Celia. I was sad to see her go. She was a graceful loser and I'm sure she'll be fine because she's a smart, ambitious girl. It occurred to me (finally!) who she reminds me of: Jennifer Morrison (Cameron on "House"). No?
























I also heard that Paulina's not coming back next season. Hopefully that's not true, because she's fantastic. :/

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Top Model: Elimination #9

Oh ... this terrible, terrible episode!

Right up front: Fo went home. I will miss that crazy little girl, she was sweet (if a little overly-teary) and cute. She's only 5'8" and I guess not very proportional, so with those excuses, the judges kicked her out. Sad.

Since today is the day that the show actually aired (I watched T.V. while working today), I have no photos. I don't regret it, because the photoshoot was lame. Brazil. Beach. Bikinis. Yawn.

Tyra's little clips that play before the judging starts ("Once upon a time, there was...") are completely stupid.

Teyona irritates the crap out of me. Her screeching makes me want to pull out her awful extensions.

Aminat and her inability to press her lips together- ugh.

Allison got SO CLOSE to closing her mouth ... but ended up looking a little rabbity, I think.

Celia completely psyched herself out and her photo was just meh. I think Tyra picked it intentionally so Celia would be in the bottom two. Celia needs to be in the bottom two this week so she can be kicked off next week, after all. *sigh*

I'm tired and cranky, so not a good night for me to be writing about this.

Side note-- watching "The Graham Norton Show," and Gillian Anderson is on. She's apparently on a BBC show, and she's adopted a hint of a British accent. It's so weird to hear Scully speaking in that posh little tone.

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Top Model: Elimination #8

Chiquita Banana, really?!

Carmen Miranda got away with the fruit-bowl hat because ... well, she's Carmen Miranda! Mere mortals cannot get away with the crazy flamenco sleeves plus produce on the head.

First of all, I couldn't find a photo of Natalie. Not a big deal, since, let's face it, I don't like her and don't care.

The capoeira challenge was a nice concept but executed horribly.

Photoshoot was ... oh, my ... the Carmen Miranda-inspired shoot was just ... bowl of fruit on the head?? No.

Paulina's reaction to Aminat's photo was GREAT:

Paulina: "Aminat, you are beautiful. And you are boring."
Aminat: "I'm not boring!"
Paulina: "Well, not as a person. As a model!"

I concur. Blah photo:























Natalie argued with Tyra about Jay Manuel and had some attitude. As usual. Maybe that's why the CW decide that they weren't going to post a picture of her? The photo was boring, anyway.

Celia looked tired. She didn't have a bad photoshoot, it seemed good, but Tyra picked a crappy photo:























Fo did a good job of embodying Chiquita Banana, I don't know why they criticized her so much. Wasn't that the whole point of the shoot??























Teyona's picture was meh, but the judges fawned. Yawn:























Favorite photo! Allison, thank goodness. She looked cute, she seemed comfortable, it was a miracle!























The photoshoot was better than the stuff they were doing in New York, but still not very inspired. Carmen Miranda shoot in Brazil? How so not uniquely creative.

At panel, they suddenly brought up Celia's age. Is that sort of foreshadowing? Celia's going to be given the boot because she's 25?

Aminat and Natalie were in the bottom two, and I didn't care who went home. No matter which one left, wouldn't have been a great loss. I thought Natalie looked strangely neckless at the judging, like she had her shoulders raised and tensed. Aminat was smiley and happy. That all made me feel like they had messed up the first take and had to re-shoot the elimination, because Natalie got the boot.

Hopefully, Aminat or Teyona go next week. There's not many of them left, I can deal with having less drama in the show from here on out.

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Top Model: Elimination #7

Oh, "Top Model," how stupid you are. I can't help watching because now I want to know who wins, but every episode seems to be more and more of a farce than the last.

Their challenge this week was one that I would actually really like to do- they got to be creative directors for their own shoot. I could rock that. Random comments:

- Aminat, you don't know how to say "chooooose." You really do say "choo." Don't protest it, just try to fix it. Also, there is nothing as annoying as someone that does not know how to manage their time. How could she blame the hairstylists? Stop making excuses.

- Allison can actually talk! In quick sentences! She has opinions! Love it.

- I loved Celia's look for Fo. Very cute and I thought it was very appropriate. I think the only reason she didn't win was because she always wins.

- Teyona won, I didn't really think much of it. Celia was her model, and she did well because she's Celia, but other than the styling, Teyona didn't do much. The styling was kind of blah, too, since the clothes were all black and she was draped in gold jewelry.

The photoshoot was pretty funny- a photoshoot with Ciara. Poor Ciara, she got MOBBED when she walked into the house. Getting tackled by a six-foot girl with huge hair has to be scary at six in the morning (Aminat, looking at you!).

- Natalie- liked the fro, but the face looks like a lump of dough in every single picture. No cheekbones, no contours ... what is that about? She looked kind of like Heather, the girl was Aspergers, from some previous season.



















- Aminat, lazy picture. You're lying back. Really? You couldn't do ... something?



















- Celia's photo was great- she always looks great. I think girl's going to win.



















- Teyona never looks like herself in her photos, which is great because I don't like the way she looks in panel or at the house.



















- London, struggling with her weight problems. I feel bad for her, but I didn't think her photo was THAT bad. Paulina was needlessly harsh! I thought her face looked a bit like Ali Larter in the picture, actually.



















- Fo's photo was great. GREAT. Loved it! Her outfit at panel looked like she knew that they were going to Brazil.



















- Allison's photo didn't look like herself at all. I love her with a fro. She's super cute, but not very versatile. Still, I love her and her awkwardness.



















Tyra's whole skit to introduce Brazil as the foreign country that they'll be going to? Terrible. Cheesy. Was the half-naked man holding a bowl of nuts really necessary? Oh, Tyra.

London, who was suspicially continually criticized through the whole episode for her weight gain, isn't going to Brazil. She seemed to take it well and I feel like the girl's going to be alright.

Can't wait to see the shenanigans of some of those ghetto girls trying to speak Portuguese ... it's going to be a delightful trainwreck!

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Top Model: Cycle 12 Re-Cap

The ridiculous episode that Tyra likes to throw in every season to remind all the viewers about what's happened in the cycle so far pisses me off. Can't they even try to put something new in it to make it worth it??

Okay, so this episode wasn't completely pointless. It did clear some stuff up:

- I didn't understand why Celia received the key to the apartment, therefore the right to choose the first bed. They had an unseen challenge- sort of a trivia quiz / scavenger hunt in New York (how many eagles are on the Chrysler Building? How many bridges are in Manhattan?) and Celia won (of course- Allison was all "which one's the Chrysler building?").

- They showed the prize won by one of the CoverGirl challenges (take a woman off the street and sell her on CoverGirl products), a photoshoot for L.E.I.

Randomly:

- I really like Teyona in her confessionals and at panel, but she is SO GHETTO in the house.

- Sandra reiterated once again why she is a loony idiot with a completely improper grasp of English. They threw together a montage of Sandra saying "I'm here for one thing. I'm here to be America's Next Top Model" about forty times. Dumbfounding.

Sandra crying when Toccara came to visit ... "I was picked on when I was younger," and a bursting into tears? Really? You are the meanest, most inconsiderate girl in the house. Suck it up.

When she got kicked out, she said, "I'm going to miss being around the girls, even though I never talked to them." Then WHY are you going to miss them?? Illogical.

- I love that McKey bakes. Bakes cakes that look like they're frosted with about fourteen pounds of chocolate.

My current favorites:




















London. Nigel said it best- things are coming up pear-shaped. London's gaining some weight and she knows it (she won a challenge and $5,000 worth of Joe's Jeans, which she gave away because she couldn't fit in them). I hope she works it out, because she's fun and spunky.




















Fo apparently cries ALL THE TIME. Which I don't hold against her, since I'm on the tearful side. But I didn't apply to be on a quasi-reality show, so ... I still get to make fun of her about it. Oh, Fo! She even says "I promised I wouldn't cry. I promised!" WHILE she's crying.

Still love her, she's adorable, but my, the tears!




















Celia- she's 25, but it seems to be giving her an edge, because she's able to take things in stride and adapt more than the other girls.

I still think she's a bit scary-looking, but photographs really well and has a great personality.




















"I'm in love with Celia. I'm so in awe of her sometimes." Allison cracks me up.

She said in the first or second episode that she finds nosebleeds beautiful, and she like to draw pictures of women with nosebleeds. I don't really find it creepy, I think it's funny and kooky, and she's just adorable.

Ciara is guesting on next week's episode. No idea what for.

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Top Model: Elimination #6

I worked just a little bit yesterday and will be working just a little bit today, and I feel like I've finally caught up on sleep.

I also caught up on "America's Next Top Model," which I was two weeks behind on.

I always hate the CoverGirl commercial episode because the photoshoot is lame. This season was even lamer-- they didn't do a photoshoot at all!

The same usual things happened:

Tahlia whined.

Aminat bluffed.

Tahlia whined again.

Natalie made me laugh.

Natalie irritated me.

Tahlia FINALLY got sent home.





















Couldn't take the whining anymore. Girl is pretty, but I don't need to hear "role model" and "burn survivor" coming out of her mouth ever again.

The CoverGirl commercial, by the way, was so incredibly abysmal. Celia's was okay, Fo's was okay, but the rest of the crowd just ... wow.

Watched the behind-the-scenes cycle 12 just a bit ago, and it cleared up a lot of things for me. I hate filler episodes. They need to get on with it!

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Top Model: Elimination #5

How fickle I am- how much my opinions have changed in just a week!

Tahlia: unspeakably annoying. I want to shave off her eyebrows because she always ALWAYS has one of them arched up. Please go home. She gave a little speechie-speech:

Now that I’m actually here and I get to look and finally see my picture, I’m excited and now I know that I actually do belong here. I tried very hard- VERY HARD- to like every single one of you guys.

Allison totally nailed it when she said:

Tahlia makes this, like, speech from the staircase, um, and it’s a bit too, like, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul for me.

Aminat and Teyona got all up in some of the girls' faces (Celia, Natalie, Allison) because, apparently, Celia telling Tyra about Tahlia not wanting to be in the competition was some sort of conspiracy. Allison's reaction to that whole thing was perfect:

Aminat and Teyona come downstairs and they’re just verbally attacking us and reminding me of why I hated high school.

My previous affection for Aminat went POOF. I never thought Teyona was ghetto until this episode. I hate when "ask" is pronounced "axe" or when "business" is pronounced "bi'ness." Please, please learn to enunciate. It's NOT HARD.

The lesson consisted of life-size photos of Tyra with the faces cut out of them so that the girls could show Mr. J how good they are with facial expressions. LAME. It's not a carnival. Can we please cut it out with the rubbish how-to sessions??

The photoshoot wasn't much better, as the girls had to embody a color. It seems like they are just running out of ideas for shoots, which would be an indication that the series should end. I'm just saying.

I really liked Fo (still love the girl) and Teyona's pictures:




















Beautiful, no? I didn't even recognize her, she looks so angular and angry in this photo. I think I liked both Fo and Teyona's pictures because I didn't recognize them at first glance, which is amazing:




















Love the yellow, it complements her skin so well.

Random thoughts:

Celia's outfit at panel was gorgeous- little fitted black leather jacket and flouncy marigold skirt. So cute without being twee.

Ms. J looks totally ridiculous at judging. What is going on with that stupid bowl haircut?? And WHY the bowties?? Ew. Campy in the worst possible ways.

I didn't know what the big effing deal is with Celia telling the judges that Tahlia doesn't want to be in the house. That is so not the most dramatic thing that's ever happened on this show, and frankly, Celia did it with good intentions. Tahlia wasn't a strong competitor and I still don't think that she's going to make it to the final three because she'll probably have a breakdown and go crying home.

Sandra got the boot. Meh. She got boring after the drama subsided, and I didn't care. She had the color white for her photoshoot, which I thought was BY FAR the easiest, and she didn't do anything for me:




















Still love London, girl's got spunk, but I realized this week how oddly proportioned she is.

Tyra's still her usual crazy self. I can't believe how crazy woman is.

(Posts about "Top Model" here.)

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Top Model: Elimination #3

Oh, Tyra.

Every time I watch the show, Tyra does SOMETHING to make me wonder why this woman is on TV for at least six hours per week.

Tyra was hopped up on some sort of amphetamine last night on "Top Model." Her speech before judging was so weirdly hyper, and she was just so overly emphatic ... perhaps she had had fourteen cans of sugar-free Red Bull? Perhaps her make-up table was lined with Pixy Stix and she accidentally snorted all the strawberry flavored ones?

Something was up.

In continuing with my opinion yesterday about how boring TV has gotten, DUDE, "Top Model" was a snooze-fest. I didn't care about the challenge (charm school, taught by Ms. J (if you're going to wear a bobbed wig, you should just wear a skirt and heels, too), and then a runway show for Jill Stuart while holding ugly, crinkled shopping bags- blah), I didn't care about the photoshoot (embody different stereotypical characters in different areas of NYC).

I realized while watching last night that group photos are just annoying. One person always ends up looking super fugly, one person ends up looking like they're way more model-y than they really are, etc.

That rich girl, Natalie, still irritates me (she won the Jill Stuart runway show even though she did an atrocious twirl in the middle and almost lost her balance). Sandra is also still annoying, though the editors decided that they love me and cut her out of most of the scenes.

Best picture:














My girl Fo's finally pulling it out. Whew.

Aminat looked great, though I don't like her glasses (they're her real glasses, I think).

They're on Wall Street and are supposed to be very fashion-forward stockbrokers (like the unrealistic career women in the now-defunct "Cashmere Mafia" or the recently-defunct "Lipstick Jungle").

Nijah got the boot this week. She and Kortnie were supposed to be artists in SoHo. They both look terrible in this picture:
















I really had no opinion either way about Nijah, so I'm not crushed to see her go. I didn't dislike her, though- I do hope she figures something out. She was one of the more well-spoken girls, so I'm sure she'll be on TV Guide Channel and whatnot, being a commentator (I think one of the first winners, Yoanna, did something like this?).

Yawn.

(Episode 1 recap here, Elimination #1 recap here, Elimination #2 recap here.)

On a side note about TV, I have not yet watched a single episode of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon." I feel like I should...? I'm debating whether or not to record Barack Obama's guest stint on Leno tonight (my favorite thing about DirecTV is that I can set it to record something through their website or from my phone! LOVE IT).

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Top Model: Elimination #2

I had to pause while watching "Top Model" last night so I could laugh. Seriously. My DVR has never gotten such a workout before!

There are really no adequate words to describe Tyra, so I figured I'd let her speak for herself. It was the makeover episode, and Tyra presents the "mission" to Mr. J and Ms. J on a small device, fancying herself to be very Mission: Impossible. Dressed in a trench coat and a hideously ill-fitting hat, Tyra says to the J's:

Good morning Mr. J, Ms. J. Here's your mission, if you choose to accept it:

In your hands are 12 dossiers of 12 busted-up models. I need you to transform these wannabes into high fashion, top, fierce, femme-fatalian models. And yes, I know this mission is going to be difficult.

There will be tears, there will be begging, there will be "oh, no, not my hair!"

But I don't care.

Cut it. Slice it. Dice it.

Really?? REALLY?? Oh, Tyra. You delight me.

The "dossiers" are completely costume-y, with CONFIDENTIAL: For fierce eyes only written on them. That made me laugh, but not as much as Mr. J trying to keep a straight face through the whole Mission: Impossible skit. Ms. J had no problem "getting into character."

The car that the girls get this season is ... amazing. It's a pink. plaid. stretch. SUV. limo. It's just so, so pink. And so gloriously plaid. I had to pause and catch my breath when it pulled in, I was laughing so hard.

The photo challenge was, I thought, very interesting this week. The girls got these big lights (reminds me of the thingies that air control people use) that they were to use to light themselves. Kind of cool, right? How can you not find your light when you're holding it in your hands??

Not such a successful shoot, I have to say. I really liked Celia's photo, even though the actual girl still scares the bejeebus out of me (with the platinum hair, even more so):



















She seemed to be the only one that had spent any amount of time practicing in front of her mirror before coming onto the show, though her age could have something to do with it- at 25, she's the oldest (and hopefully most mature) girl this season.

Makeovers brought drama, of course. The only two that really irritated me: Fo and Natalie.

I liked Fo and wanted to continue liking her ... but she cried, and cried, and cried, and CRIED. Get over it already, hair grows back. And then she cried on set and annoyed Nigel. No good.

Natalie didn't even get a trim, but she freaked out when the posh posse came at her, combs and scissors in hand. She literally freaked out, and I hate that crap. You know you're getting a makeover when you get selected for the show, suck it up! And I still don't think she's pretty, with her squinty eyes and little mouth. She always had one eyebrow up, which just looks snotty. Ew, ew, ew. So over this girl.

At the end of the day, Miss Caliente, Jessica, got kicked out. She was way too confident over the three hours I saw her, and she looks vaguely like Adriana Lima. Do we need another Adriana? One is enough, methinks.



















This group was, by far, the worst in their photos. They all look dead and uninteresting, neon Muppet fur coats or no.

Not a memorable episode (the challenge- yawn), so it better pick up by next week, or I'm going to start watching the whole show at double speed.

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Top Model: Elimination #1

I'm been posting under the influence of stress and fatigue lately, and when I re-read some of the stuff I've written ... wow. Errors, anyone?

In my previous post about "America's Next Top Model: Cycle 12," I completely failed to mention who got kicked off! At the end of the endlessly long 2-hour premiere, Kelly Marie "Isabella" Falk got kicked to the curb.


















The photo above was from the girls' first "real" photoshoot. The theme was playground games, a failed effort by Tyra to preserve the innocence of youth, or something other such babble. Isabella up there got dodgeball, but I think she looks more like she's curling (that crazy team sport on ice, where one person releases the stone (in a pose like Isabella up there) and other people start sweeping (?) the ice in front of the stone).

Bye, Isabelle, good luck to you and your daily struggle with epilepsy.

Posts on the first elimination of "Make Me A Supermodel" and the second elimination from "Top Model" soon...

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Models, Models, Episode 1

Oh, man. I'm on model overload.

Watched the first (two-hour long) episode of "America's Next Top Model: Cycle 12" and the first episode of "Make Me A Supermodel: Season 2."

**spoilers ahead!**

I haven't watched "Top Model" since ... I don't know ... Cycle 8 or 9 or something, because DUDE, how many times can I watch the same ol' drama?? Tyra knows how to milk it, I give her that.

Cycle 12 started out ridonkulously. Tyra is so over the top, I don't even know how to express it. She is just staggeringly faux-fierce this season, almost painful to watch. Makes for some quality cringe-TV. Her whole goddess schtick ... I can't even begin.

Let's skip the whole first hour of pain, when there are thirty-some-odd girls that reek of desperation. I couldn't watch much of that crap, because WOW were there some crazies in that bunch.

I almost want to know where they find these "models," because I feel like they must go to a loony-bin and search for any tall, skinny girls. Some of these chickies are just nuts, some are maddeningly stupid, and some are completely soulless. That's right, I said soulless.

Here's Soulless #1, a.k.a. the girl I wish would just turn mute- Sandra:

























At first, I was all, "Oh, girl's cute, she's got an interesting face, she has a lovely accent."

No. No. No.

Nothing lovely about little Miss Sandra. She's a vindictive, back-stabbing, soulless girl that took every single opportunity to criticize, belittle, and look down on the other girls. She also said, "I'm from Africa" about fourteen times, and I got over it after she said it about twice. Dude, I know you're from Africa. Stop telling me how unique and beautiful you are. Get over yourself and get fired, please. I don't even want her around for the inevitable drama that she will cause.

Then come the ones I merely don't like:

























Allison, who looks like a creepy porcelain doll, with giant alien eyes and a strange face. The judges swooned over her- "she has the most amazing eyes," blah blah blah- no, don't care.

























Isabella, who seemed slightly empty-headed and walked the runway like a pregnant goose. Honey, no. Please, have someone teach you to walk without making your neck look like a slinky. Isabelle has epilepsy, and I seriously thought that she was going to have a seizure during the first runway show (misleading editing strikes again).

























Natalie, spoiled princess who has never worked a day in her life and is proud of that. Ask your daddy to get your lazy eye fixed, dear. If your eye's not lazy, then I assume you just look like that naturally. Pity.

























Jessica, who claims she's from Puerto Rico but speaks English like a white girl with perhaps a pinch of Rosie Perez thrown in. She's cute, but looks like she should be on the cover of Maxim. She said that she's never been called ugly before, ever. Good for you.

A slew of girls I like slightly more than the batch above, but still don't really like:

























London. I wanted to like her ... she's quirky, kind of hippy-dippy, seems like a fun girl (albeit one with rather a lot of junk in her trunk), but then she started talking about how she preaches on the street. How much she loves Jesus. Darling, you are the reason that people don't want to meet Christians.

























Tahlia, the burn survivor. Her mama left her alone in the kitchen when she was 8 months old and she yanked a coffee pot over herself, burning what looks like her wrist, her stomach, and her legs. I'm sorry, truly, that such a thing happened to you. However, you don't remember that incident, and you're using it as an excuse to have low self-confidence. Move on.

























Kortnie. Doesn't the photo make it look like the photographer hates her and snapped the shot just as Kort was trying to move into a different pose? Another girl that seems fun or whatever but didn't leave much of an impression. Plus, I didn't like her hair. Please, please let her stay until makeovers and she gets a blonde Little-Orphan-Annie afro...

Also, why did they insist on dragging the fact that she used to date a Nascar driver into the show? She kept wanting to dismiss it, they kept playing clips and showing photos of her and Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

























Nijah. I have no impression of her, other than the fact that her wearing those jeans plus those shoes for this photo makes her look like she has not one single whit of fashion sense. And she needs to give Madonna her cone bra back.

























Celia. I wanted to like this girl. She seemed smart as a whip and totally drama-free (there was an incident involving hateful Sandra and the house not having enough beds), but her eyes fuh-reak me out. She's got those big stalker eyes, plus the Neanderthal brow-bone and a rather masculine jawline. I can't deal with all that.

Finally, the (very few) girls I did like:

























Teyona, who was told she had a face like she was in a wind tunnel- in a good way. I liked her simply for being drama-free and seeming to take good pictures.

























Fo, the "Blaxican" (her word, not mine). She was cheery without being ingratiating (London, I'm looking at you) and I loved her freckles. A bit short, though, and seems slightly big to be a model (I don't make the rules).

























Animat, by far my favorite. Girl is TALL at 6'1" and very self-aware. She seems like the one that isn't going to put up with crap but won't be the cause of the drama. I also loved her fro and her attitude (confident without being snarky). Hope she maintains what she had in the first episode.

"Top Model" isn't a good show by any stretch of the imagination. I need to watch it after preparing myself for the cliches, the manufactured drama, and the crappy acting that is Tyra's trademark. Still, entertaining in its own way.


"Make Me A Supermodel" was great last season, with the single exception of Niki Taylor, who was exhausting to watch. She had the emotional range of a turnip and yet tried to really play up the drama. Please, no.

I was so relieved to find that Niki was not in Season 2. Tyson Beckford is back (passable, fun to watch) with Nicole Trunfio as his co-host. In a twist that I didn't care about, the co-hosts are not judges anymore. They're going to be mentors, Tyson to the boys and Nicole to the girls. I'm already enjoying Nicole's brutal honesty. I think she uses her accent as an excuse to be extra-mean, and I hope she makes some of the girl cry. Most of them need to be taken down a peg (or twelve).

I know that because I watched all of Season 1 I'm very attached to some of the contestants (Ronnie!), but I already feel like some of the contestants this season are just really dumb, and unattractive to boot.

I am enjoying the new judges, but with the exception of Jenny Shimizu, the international panel is very hard to understand. Marlon, the South African, is pretty succinct and therefore a bit understandable. I don't know if Perou is a permanent judge, but his English accent was quite strong (I find that posh English accents are easier for me to make out). I did love his Sergeant Pepper coat that he wore to the runway show, though. Catherine Malandrino makes beautiful clothes but has a completely incomprehensible French accent and a makeup artist that should be fired posthaste (a single shade of gray eyeshadow? All over her eyelid? Really?). Her hair dresser should also be given a good talking to.

Hateful wench:

























Salome (she pronounces it so incorrectly I've decided to call her Salome-Baloney) is an annoying little twit. I'm completely over her and her "I'm so cute" act. Ugh. She also compared her butt to Jennifer Lopez's, saying her butt is like J.Lo's but on a white girl, blah blah blah. Oh, and guess what? Her mom, Mennonite. Her dad, Mennonite. She can't believe what her Mennonite mom would say about her Mennonite daughter wearing lingerie in a box dangling above New York. She has a different perspective because she grew up Mennonite. Her Mennonite dad doesn't want her to cut her hair or wear makeup. Hey, Salome-Baloney! I don't care. Get over yourself.

Not hateful but not likable:

























Chris claimed he had an advantage in being the only androgynous guy in the bunch. Yeah, nice theory- if you weren't so femme that some of the girls looked butch standing next to you. You're a total girl. Please go grow a pair and come back later (or never). And stop over-tweezing your sad little eyebrows.

























Jonathan, the English construction worker with a wife and kid, was gorgeous when he spoke. Lovely voice, lilting accent. But the hair (it's long, not short like the photo) and the odd facial angles just made me go "meh."

























Shawn. He said something like, "I've never been in a room with so many straight people before! Be nice to the gay!" Um... you're not the only gay in the room. By a long shot. His eyes are set very close together, which I generally dislike on people- I feel like it makes them look weaselly and dishonest. Pass.

























Mountaha, the Brazilian. She does not have the body (Cory Bautista said it, not me, but I agree) and she has a terrible complexion. I didn't like her or her inability to pose. She had a ton of self-confidence without much apparent reason. Bleh.

























Laury. I think she's going to be trouble. She was way too flirty with Jonathan and immediately said that it was just work, they needed to put their significant others out of their minds for the photo shoot. Translation? She wants to be inappropriate with someone else's man. I thought she looked old, too, and was surprised to see that she's not 35. Seriously.

























Ken the caveman. Low-set brow, giant underbite, over-developed pecs ... all he needed was a girl to drag away to his cave. He kept insisting on how he could lose weight if he wanted to because he's a personal trainer and knows how to do it, he just doesn't know if "it" is worth it. Didn't you come on the show to, I don't know, be a MODEL?

























Branden. Can't walk and is so homophobic that I think he loops back around to gay. He was nervous about the photo-shoot (he was paired with Chris, Mr. Androgynous) because of the gay thing, and he's "especially not gay." Yeah, sure, honey. Keeping telling yourself that, over and over again.

The ones I'm on the fence about:

























Amanda, who was impressive because she had a bikini-ready body and a 10-month-old son at home. She didn't say much and wasn't featured much, but seemed vacuous.

























Kerryn, who also didn't say much but I didn't want to hear from her. I found her strangely ugly, and not in that model way where ugly = pretty.

























Karen frightened me a little. She looked like she could beat up most of the boys. She also has a very severe face and looks too old.

























CJ doesn't look like a model to me- she's on the short side and has a giant chest. Salome-Baloney won the photo-shoot and her prize was a go-see. She had to take another girl with her, though, and since the girl apparently cannot think without talking, she said she'd have to pick someone that she could beat. And then she picks CJ and tells her out-right, "I think you have a great body, but I think I can beat you."

After that, how could I not root for CJ? Doesn't mean I have to like her, I just dislike her less than I dislike Baloney.

The ones I liked:

























Gabriel. Cute in a sort of Abercrombie & Fitch way. I don't remember him talking at all, which is probably why I like him.

























Jordan. She got the ugliest dress on the runway and rocked it out. She was interesting and intelligent, and I actually enjoyed listening to her talk. Hopefully she doesn't stoop to the drama level that I know some of the other kids are going to get to.

























Colin, the adorable geek. Such a cute little dork! I have nothing else to say about him- he's the most darling nerd I've ever seen.

























Sandhurst, my favorite. I get the impression that he might perhaps hook up with one of the skanky girls, which makes me sad (misleading teasers could be the culprit, though). He took a fantastic photo and was the only one who looked at ease on the runway.


I have no idea if I'll keep watching either of these shows, as they both have their moments of extreme idiocy ("Top Model" more so than "Supermodel"). The antics of lots of tall, hungry people living together under one roof can be a bit much at times, and I have no patience lately. I think I managed to watch all two hours of "Top Model" in about 45 minutes.

I do love the escapism of TV, but probably won't be posting lengthy posts about the shows again. Little snippets of my favorite and least favorite and most shocking moments seem much more likely.

I know for sure I'll watch the makeover episodes of both shows- I love a good meltdown on TV!

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