Overheard

From my work husband (the dude I spend most of my waking hours with):

"You're not pulling your weight in this relationship, you never hang up on me."

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Overheard ...

Conversation with my concerned friend, after explaining the Master Cleanse:

Her: "So how long are you doing this??"
Me: "Ten days."
Her: "TEN DAYS?? Jeanny! I'm worried for you!"
Me: "People fast for longer than ten days! And they only drink water! Look at Gandhi!"
Her: "But you actually DO things!"
Me: "Like what? I don't exercise!"
Her: "You drive. And you work!"
Me: ".... That's not really doing anything physical."
Her: "Gandhi just sat there! He didn't have to do anything!"

Oh, the humanity. She thinks I'm going to die. Or faint.

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Happy September!

“Alice in Wonderland” is going swimmingly, thank you for asking.

Funniest thing that I type on a daily basis: “balls reference.”

Weird, no?

Best thing I've heard someone say this week (and it's only Tuesday!):

"I'll get you some of those ass files, they should help."

That is all, carry on! I have nothing exciting going on in my life to report. (Unless anyone really needs to read about my whining insecurities, which, let's face it, don't even interest me.)

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Overheard ...

The boys at work are funny.

Boy #1, unwrapping a piece of chocolate.
Boy #2: "Where'd you get that??"
Boy #1: "From Boy-Over-There."
Boy #2: "Oh--"
Boy #3: "You don't even know what he had to do to get it."

And by "boys" I mean "men in their 30's and 40's."

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Overheard ...

Two guys, talking about preventative measures against carpal tunnel:

Guy 1: I really like this brand that had a huge Velcro piece that kept my wrist straight.
Guy 2: And you could wear it on both wrists?
Guy 1: Yeah, and even at night, so you don't bend your straw while you're sleeping.

Really? Bend your straw??

The best part was that Guy 1 had a Southern twang, so it was "bend yer strah."

I love unintentionally funny people.

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Overheard in My Car

Not overheard so much as just heard:

Me: [blah blah blah] Australia would be fun!
Sister: Australia would be awesome.
Me: Yeah, and--
Sister: NO, AUSTRALIA WOULD BE AUSSIE-SOME!!
Me: ....
Sister: [laughing hysterically]
Me: ... I have ... no words ... to express how appalled I am right now.
Sister: AUSSIE-SOME! I am GENIUS!

My sister makes me laugh every day.

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Overheard ...

Overheard on the street, at Ince and Washington:

Girl 1: "Oh, we can call him Mr. O!"
Girl 2: "Mr. O?"
Girl 1: "Mr. O, like Mr. Big!"
Girl 2: "That's perfect!"

I want to know who this Mr. O is.

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Overheard ...

Person 1: "You be the good cop and I'll be the bad cop. You need to be friends with him so you can tell him what to do."

Person 2: "Okay. I am! I'm nice to him."

Person 3: "Or you could just sleep with him. That would make him like you."

Boys, boys, boys. They never change.

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Overheard @ Albertsons

Standing in the check-out line at Albertsons (to buy Pom Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea, which I love) behind a woman and a little boy, about three or four years old.

Little boy spies the last-minute-impulse-buy box of Cadbury caramel-filled chocolate eggs that are at his eye level, just under the credit card machine.

Woman: You like candy?
Boy: Yeah. I like popcorn.
Woman: Popcorn's good.
Boy touches a Cadbury egg.
Boy: Are these ... egg rolls?

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