Seasonal Struggle

It's that time of year again! The time when I whine about how I really want to leave L.A. and how I just want to be somewhere else. Whine, whine, whine.

No, seriously, though...

I tried, last year, to run off to the Bay Area. It didn't work at all- the timing was hinky, all parties involved were hesitant, and we circled around each other warily until I took my job at my current company. Earlier this year, in the spring, I whined again about how I want to leeeeeeave and how L.A. is so aaaaaaaagh. Yes, the whining, it never stops.

I don't know if I mentioned this on my blog and I'm too lazy to search, but after my first show at Sony, I shopped around for a new workplace. Very casually and not with much intent, because I pretty much knew that I was going to do "Alice in Wonderland" here. Though I didn't get a job out of my inquiries, I did make a few contacts. I interviewed with a few different places, I got to know some people, and it was generally a positive experience.

So now. This show is drawing to a close (the movie comes out in March!) and I am again struggling with my desire to leave this city (I'm also currently struggling with a particularly ornery Excel spreadsheet with macros that Refuse To Work, but that is besides the point).

I've interviewed with one company this week that is outside of this country. I am crossing my fingers, my toes, and my arms in the hopes that I get this job. It's one that I interviewed for last year, that I have wanted for years, and that I know will be tough and grueling. I don't care; I want to work there, I want to work on that film.

I have another interview with a company in California, not far from my parents' house. This appeals to me because frankly, I enjoy living with the parents. They're fun and I get along with them very well, plus, living with them means that I will always have freshly steamed rice from a rice cooker. Not to mention the mountains of kimchi I could wallow in.

There is yet another option, outside of California but in the U.S., that has presented itself. Rather suddenly and without any encouragement on my part, actually. It also sounds like a good deal, though it's in a part of the country that I don't care to live in. How big a deal would that be, though, for just a year?

Options, pros, cons, timing, dates, expenses, visas, future earning potential ... all of these, and more, are swirling madly in my head.

Also, have I mentioned that I'm doing the master cleanse again? I probably forgot because it has not impacted my life much. I plan on doing it for just five days this time, and am already on Day 4. The weekend will be spent drinking lots of juices and broths and debating whether or not I want to do it again for another five days.

Frankly, the first time around, it was too long. Ten days is taxing and annoying. Five feels like it should do the trick and clean out my system without feeling like a drag. I already feel a bit better, less tired, with more energy. It's been deceptively easy so far; I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop.

I don't know if it's just a Korean thing, but my parents always fasted when I was younger- still do. Whenever either one had a chronic condition that wouldn't get better, they fasted for a while, subsisting entirely on water. When Koreans go to a prayer retreat, they generally fast, up to 40 days at a time. I don't think it's very American, fasting, but it's definitely part of the Korean culture.

The most notable occurrence was the time that my dad fasted for almost a month, I think, to detoxify himself from any and all impurities and clear out his (horrible) liver. It worked for him; I don't know if it works for everyone, but it did work for him- his liver was checked again after the fast and it was much better.

In times of great tragedy or stress or worry, there's fasting somewhere in my family. My grandparents did this, too. I don't know what the history behind fasting is, and I'm certainly not fasting, per se, seeing as how I'm ingesting sugary maple syrup, but it's interesting. I think my roommate's mother probably thought she was crazy for going on the cleanse, whereas my mother joined me and was my cheerleader through it.

Perhaps this goes back to the whole neo-Confucianism that permeates through Koreans no matter how Westernized we become. The idea of self-denial, physical suffering. Whatever it is, these thoughts all came to me as I started the cleanse this time around. I'm hoping that a chronic headache that has been plaguing me for a week and a half will finally dissipate, and take with it a general cold-weather-induced lethargy.

(Yes, I did post that recipe about stuffed bell peppers while on the cleanse.)

Crossing my fingers, both for the hope of the benefits from this cleanse and for the future of my career.