Accountability

Wow, I'm a terrible blogger lately.

Actually, I'm a terrible everything lately. My apartment is a wreck, my complexion hates me, my sleep cycle's all wiggly... is it because the weather's changing? (And it definitely is, here in Korea, where the seasons are very definite.) Or is it just me, going through a strange phase?

So. I decided to blog today because I need to be held accountable, and forcing myself to put it all out there in public (to all three people that read my blog) should, hopefully, keep me somewhat responsible. Motivated, even (ha).

I signed up for personal training sessions, and today was my first hellish experience.

Okay, it's not totally hellish. I mean, it's not that bad. It's ... hard. I got super nauseous after about ten minutes and went to throw up, but I had to nothing to throw up. One of the bad things about not eating breakfast, I suppose.

My trainer's really young and really, really tall, which is a bit disconcerting, but he's nice enough and tough enough when he needs to be. He put me through my paces for an hour and a half this morning and really wanted to keep me there for another who-knows-how-long to force me on a treadmill, but I fled, pleading meetings at work (I lied).

I was punished for lying to my trainer, though, because at lunchtime, a couple friends wanted to go ride bikes at Lake Park, so I dragged my sore, achy self off for a 5 km bike ride.

I may collapse tonight and not be able to move tomorrow.

My next session's on Wednesday. As long as I can move by Wednesday morning ... I'll be ... okay. So that my trainer can, again, make me insanely achy and sore. At which point, I'm sure someone will want to ride bikes or go do yoga or something else to make me even more achy and sore.

It's never really been a New Year's resolution of mine to get fit or lose weight, and I think part of that (a large part) is due to my complete lack of motivation. I don't know what motivated me to sign up for this in Korea, where personal trainers are quite expensive, but I'm glad. No amount of money is too much for good health.

I know that I'm not healthy, and I'm turning 31 (ugh!) this year. It's really now or never. I don't want to have a heart attack at 40, or be put on blood pressure medication at 35. I want to be able to play with my future children without throwing out my back or having to catch my breath after five minutes. Hell, I want to be able to play with my grandchildren.

There are so many things about Korea's prevailing culture of superficiality that I don't like at all-- judging everyone by their looks, everybody getting plastic surgery, putting beauty before health, etc., etc.-- but if that superficiality is why I've decided to start taking care of myself, then it's not all bad. It would be a different thing if I weighed 110 pounds and decided I was "fat" by Korean standards so started dieting to lose more weight. But I weight substantially more than 110 pounds (which my trainer told me is my goal weight, which is ... crazy), and I'm stressing my joints, my heart, my lungs, my entire body with the extra weight I'm carrying around.

I really thought hitting thirty would be a turning point; that's when everyone suddenly realizes they're not young anymore, right? I don't know why it took me almost a year after my thirtieth birthday, but no matter how it had to come about, I'm glad I've taken this first step.

Now for the next bajillion steps that my sadistic trainer's going to put me through....