Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Home (?)

I'm in LA!

Did I mention this? I doubt it-- looking back, my last post took place when I was still in Latvia, all kinds of delirious from lack of sleep.

I'm still delirious, but for other reasons.

The question mark in the title of the post is not because I'm not at my parents' house (I am), but because I no longer know if LA is home for me. It feels like comfort, because this is where my immediate family is, and where my long-time friends reside. But ... Korea feels like home, too.

The photo above is my sister and myself. I believe that I'm five and she's four in this picture- look how little she is! This is apparently San Francisco. I don't remember this trip, but I think I remember those shoes. Pretty sure I used to love them.
A couple friends, my sister, and I went to Disneyland on Sunday. I haven't taken a photo of the main entrance in years. Here it is. That's the train depot, which is where one can board the train that tours the entire park. And, of course, Mickey's head, created with plants.
It started as a beautiful day, since we went into the park around 4:00, but it quickly turned quite chilly (okay, chilly for a wimp. People from Minnesota would laugh at me). There was apparently a full solar eclipse, but though we strained to see it, all we saw was a normal-looking sunset. Stupid eclipse, being all unnoticeable with regular human eyes.

I need to get back into the rhythm of blogging, but it's a tough thing. I'm physically in LA, but I'm still working, and my work is based in Korea, which means I'm working at very odd hours, like now, being midnight here in LA but only 4:00 in the afternoon in Korea. So confusing.

A random quote that I ran across today (this post is all over the place):

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 

- Marilyn Monroe

What a sad, delusional thing to say. She was in such denial, wasn't she? What made me sad when I saw this quote was that my initial, gut reaction was empathy. Which means I'm in denial, doesn't it? I'm a little angst-ridden and easily irritable lately, and while I know why, I'm seemingly powerless to change things. I can't change my thoughts or my heart. I can try, but it's futile.

I think it's best to let things play out, when possible, no matter what the situation (unless it's breaking the law or causing someone harm, of course), but for the first time in recent memory, I don't want to wait. I want to run away, a reaction that I haven't had in a while.

Such are my snarled thoughts lately. It's tough.

It's Monday night in LA, and I leave for Korea on Thursday around noon. I will have been in California for six days by the time I get on the plane, which is sad- my time is almost up!

I'm ready to move on, at least for the moment. London is sounding really good lately...